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Sunday, May 31, 2015

Follow Into Acts

into   ACTS

Stop thinking you have nothing to give.

Acts 3:1-10

New International Version (NIV)

Peter Heals a Lame Beggar

One day Peter and John were going up to the temple at the time of prayer—at three in the afternoon. Now a man who was lame from birth was being carried to the temple gate called Beautiful, where he was put every day to beg from those going into the temple courts. When he saw Peter and John about to enter, he asked them for money. Peter looked straight at him, as did John. Then Peter said, “Look at us!” So the man gave them his attention, expecting to get something from them.
Then Peter said, “Silver or gold I do not have, but what I do have I give you. In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, walk.” Taking him by the right hand, he helped him up, and instantly the man’s feet and ankles became strong. He jumped to his feet and began to walk. Then he went with them into the temple courts, walking and jumping, and praising God. When all the people saw him walking and praising God, 10 they recognized him as the same man who used to sit begging at the temple gate called Beautiful, and they were filled with wonder and amazement at what had happened to him.

What an amazing change has been wrought in the life of these disciples since the coming of the Holy Spirit.  These twelve have stood on a porch and preached about the Lord to large crowd. 3000 people were saved and baptized in a day. More importantly, their own resolve and faces are set to follow their Lord and Savior. He is no longer here. He has left them to go back to the Father. Something about their Lord not being in their presence any longer seemed to change these fishermen and tax collectors. Thy seem to realized that it on them to keep this going. This message of the Kingdom of God is real to them now. They aren't focused on someone rescuing them from Roman rule. God wants to rescue them from the rule of sin in their hearts. Now they understand. Now they know what to say. Now they realize what they have to offer. And, that has made all the difference. 

What about us?
Do we realize what we have to offer? Do we truly realize what the message is about?
Is the Kingdom of God a reality in our hearts and minds? Has the Holy Spirit fallen upon us?


It is usually as we go about the normal routine of our daily lives that the opportunities to explore our gifts and abilities arise. We find out what we have to offer while simply doing what we do. That's John & Peter are doing. It sounds like they are going to church. Three in the afternoon was prayer time in the temple on a daily basis. Think of it as Wednesday night prayer meeting. It just what you do. You go. On the way there they come across one of those everyday situations. Somebody in need. The need we read about is not something we commonly come across. We come across beggars everyday. They call us up looking for help. They stumble to our front door or our offices. This man cannot stumble anywhere. He can't even walk. He has to be carried to the temple gates everyday. His friends or family leaves him there and comes back to get him, everyday. What's it going to hurt? Maybe someone will stop and bless him with a few coins. It's not like he can go anywhere or hurt anybody. 

You've seen it. But, look at it again. How many times do people we run into have this need to be fulfilled, but it not the right need. It's not actually what they need. They seem to miss the mark when it comes to having their particular need satisfied. Maybe they've given up on the idea that the thing they truly need can actually be given to them. 

Therese Daoud is an Israeli woman with just that kind of story.
The Blaze.com tell the story of this devout Christian woman who believed she was given a sign that she should fore-go medical intervention and instead pray. Miraculously when she arrived at her next screening five months after her initial diagnosis, doctors discovered her tumor had completely disappeared. “If someone had told me this story, I would have said that both the patient and doctor were psycho. It’s impossible,” Dr. Jacob Bickels told Israel’s Channel 2 of the high school science teacher whose violently spreading cancer simply disappeared with no treatment whatsoever. “I felt pain in my foot, ankle, along with swelling.  At first I ignored it,” Daoud recounted. Doctors ran an MRI and discovered a large tumor the size of an orange. She was taken for an immediate biopsy which further revealed that the tumor was a malignant sarcoma and spreading fast. “It was a huge shock,” Daoud told Israeli television. “I started thinking about what my life would look like without a leg.”

Many of us know the horrors of being diagnosed with cancer. We have either experienced it first hand or know someone who has or is going through it. Not taking treatment or going through surgery is not a decision you make simply because you heard the story of someone else who did. You need to truly feel as if that's what God wants for your life. The point here is that people going through trying circumstances such as this can feel as if the possibility of their need being met will never happen. They will never be healed. They will never walk again. They will never experience life without pain. So, they look for something else. Lets just see if I can get enough money to get something to eat. Instead of focusing on what they really need, the desire to meet a baser need is what comes forth. A focus might surface on drowning the sorrow. Alcohol is needed for that. A focus might come out of the pain on ending it all. A gun might be needed for that. Sorrow turns to depression. Depression turn to anger. Anger turns to desperation. Desperate people do desperate things to meet those needs.

The man on the steps of the temple seems desperate to me. He also has given up on asking for someone to heal him. He has asked again and again. No one seems to be able to bless him with that favor. So, life has come to the point of simply asking for money. Maybe someone can help him get a bite to eat with the few coins a stranger will toss his way. All hope is lost. This is life now. Sitting here by the this temple gate with nothing more than a hand to toss toward anyone that will stop and listen.

Today, there are two such people who will stop and listen. This beggar of a man looks up into the faces of John and Peter and asks for a few coins. Anything they can spare. Peter looks straight at the man. This is one of those blunt moments. My dad asked me the other day is he could be blunt with me. I paused for a moment. "Well, usually when you get blunt, I have to go crawl under a rock somewhere." In the course of trying to meet people's need there will be moments when we have to direct. Sometimes blunt. The purpose is not to hurt. The purpose is to get their attention so as to make sure they are listening. Peter wants to make sure this man is listening. He wants to make sure he truly realizes what is going to transpire here in these next few seconds. What is going to happen will change his life forever.

Then Peter said, “Silver or gold I do not have, but what I do have I give you. In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, walk.”

What do we have to give others? Do we have what they need?
There is a feeling that courses through us that suggests we don't have anything good to give. Don't believe that lie. You have plenty to give. There is much good that can be done. The question now arises - Do you want to do any good? Do you want to follow your Lord and Savior? Our Master & Friend is leading us to people who are lying there without any way to get up. They have given up on seeing their healing become a reality. You and I have the answer to what they seek. We have a Savior who can heal their sin sick soul. By his stripes we are healed. By his sacrifice we find the hope we are seeking. 


In the everyday of life, he leads us. 
He leads us to people who need what we have to offer. 
Hope. Healing. Purpose. A new lease on life. 
We just have to be willing to be used. 
The Kingdom of God is within you. Follow & Share.

Sunday, May 24, 2015

If Everyone Cared

to   PENTECOST

Are you prepared for what comes next?

Check out the video before we get in to the message.
When I think of the twelve at Pentecost, I go here.

 

Acts 2:1-21

New International Version (NIV)

The Holy Spirit Comes at Pentecost

When the day of Pentecost came, they were all together in one place. Suddenly a sound like the blowing of a violent wind came from heaven and filled the whole house where they were sitting. They saw what seemed to be tongues of fire that separated and came to rest on each of them. All of them were filled with the Holy Spirit and began to speak in other tongues[a] as the Spirit enabled them.
Now there were staying in Jerusalem God-fearing Jews from every nation under heaven. When they heard this sound, a crowd came together in bewilderment, because each one heard their own language being spoken. Utterly amazed, they asked: “Aren’t all these who are speaking Galileans? Then how is it that each of us hears them in our native language? Parthians, Medes and Elamites; residents of Mesopotamia, Judea and Cappadocia, Pontus and Asia,[b] 10 Phrygia and Pamphylia, Egypt and the parts of Libya near Cyrene; visitors from Rome 11 (both Jews and converts to Judaism); Cretans and Arabs—we hear them declaring the wonders of God in our own tongues!” 12 Amazed and perplexed, they asked one another, “What does this mean?”
13 Some, however, made fun of them and said, “They have had too much wine.”

Peter Addresses the Crowd

14 Then Peter stood up with the Eleven, raised his voice and addressed the crowd: “Fellow Jews and all of you who live in Jerusalem, let me explain this to you; listen carefully to what I say. 15 These people are not drunk, as you suppose. It’s only nine in the morning! 16 No, this is what was spoken by the prophet Joel:
17 “‘In the last days, God says,
    I will pour out my Spirit on all people.
Your sons and daughters will prophesy,
    your young men will see visions,
    your old men will dream dreams.
18 Even on my servants, both men and women,
    I will pour out my Spirit in those days,
    and they will prophesy.
19 I will show wonders in the heavens above
    and signs on the earth below,
    blood and fire and billows of smoke.
20 The sun will be turned to darkness
    and the moon to blood
    before the coming of the great and glorious day of the Lord.
21 And everyone who calls
    on the name of the Lord will be saved.’

We tend to refer to Pentecost as the "birthday of the church".
On this day the twelve disciples will stand on a balcony and speak to large crowd.
Out of the crowd comes three thousand people who will believe in Jesus Christ and find salvation. 


There's much about how we commemorate and celebrate this day that disturbs me.
On one side of the aisle I feel as if we put too much emotional contribution to the event.
On the other side of the aisle we don't truly realize what this moment means to us.

In community, I feel as if we miss the point altogether. 

There could not have as much emotion put into the day as is ascribed to it in our Western thought. 
As I read the account, as I try to put myself in the shoes of a person standing there, I can't help but feel bewilderment. That's the word used in the scripture. In many of our Western churches there is cheering and shouting and running through the pews. But, if I'm standing there that day, I can't help but hear silence. 12 guys are standing on a balcony. There are speaking in Hebrew, but that's not what the crowd is hearing. They are all hearing the message in their own native tongue or language. They seem to know that they men are from Galilee, there in Israel. But, they are hearing a Roman dialect. Or, an Asian one. Or, another part of Aramaic. Wherever they are from they hear their own language speaking this message about Jesus Christ from a Hebrew man on a balcony. They are all hearing their own language. All at the same time. "Why do I hear a bunch of Hebrew guys speaking my Roman dialect?" "What are you talking about? They are speaking my Persian language?" "Are you crazy? They are clearly speaking Asian?" 

The moment cannot be one of cheering and shouting. No one truly understands what is going on. 
A person who is not a sports fan does not go into a football game and instantly start cheering unless they understand the game and like one of the teams. A person does not go into a political convention and begin cheering for a candidate unless they understand the issues and believes in the candidate personally. None of these people are going to go nuts about the message and cheer wildly for the disciples unless they understand what is happening. Verse 7 says that are "utterly amazed". That doesn't commit to an overly emotional moment. If I'm standing there listening I'm not saying a thing. 

I'm just standing there in bewilderment. 

All these centuries later, I invite you to read the passage in the same tone and tense. 
Just read the passage and ask the question, "How did we get here?"
Or, maybe more accurately, "How did this happen?" "What caused it to be?"


The simple answer is - the Holy Spirit fell.
Well, that just a bit too easy. We have a tendency to oversimplify in our Western thought and practice. We don't take the time too truly analyze and understand. We find one quick thing to push the button of and that satisfies our need for logic. Yes, the Holy Spirit fell. Jesus said that Spirit would come. But, why? And, why on these guys? These guys who either didn't pay attention or care to understand these 3 and a half years they walked with Jesus. These guys who fled and ran away in Jesus' most pressing moment. These people who have been hiding out and trying not to get caught. They have misunderstood the real meaning of the coming of the Messiah. They wanted a king to rescue them from the dominion of other men. The King wanted to save them from the dominion of sin that ruled over their hearts. 

How did they finally turn a corner and make it here? 
They haven't listened or understood and, somehow, they wind up on a balcony preaching to an enormous crowd of people and baptizing most of them into the Kingdom of God. What happens when a small group of people actually come together and set their hearts and minds to a thing? What happens when people actually commit to a moment and give all of themselves to it? Acts 2 shows us the truth. 

We watched this morning a video by a rock band, Nickelback. 
The song "If Everyone Cared" is written as a love song. The guy in the story can't believe that he has found the love of his life and that he is where he is with her right now. As they watch the sky and see the world traveling by the message of the song turns to one of social justice. It turns to the world asks the question, "Why can't you all love the way we are loving each other, right here?" In a committed relationship there are two people. That's it. What if everyone cared? Well, if it's just you and me, then what if we both cared? What if we both took the time to stop and pray and commit ourselves to the moment? Actually, if we back up, it starts with one. One of the first two people has to catch the spark. One of the first two people will need to be praying already and preparing their own hearts. If we are fortunate, both people have already been praying on their own and that's how they end up coming together. The Lord brings them together in a beautiful moment of togetherness. Like minded-ness. A shared vision. A feeling of mutual fellowship and purpose. 

But, truly, it starts with one. 

In case you missed the video or it went by too fast for you to take it in, lets go back and recap the people and events. It truly is a list not to miss. 

Bob Geldof - an Irish singer and songwriter, a former frontman for the band "The Boomtown Rats" in the late 70's and early 80's get the idea in his head that what is needed is support for the hungry and hurting in Africa. It starts with just Bob. And, in a little over a year more than a billion people worldwide are helping stretching their arms of love around this impoverished and worn torn region. The event "Live-Aid" was a world wide rock concert shown on TV screens throughout the world with a total of 150 million dollars raised in one day. 

Betty Williams - in the 1970's political and religious turnoil between Catholics and Protestants was growing. In the midst of the fighting three innocent children lost their lives. Betty was a receptionist and mother of two. She couldn't stand to just sit there and watch the world go by while these children's death went unnoticed and uncared for. She obtained 6,000 signatures asking for peace. She then organized a march with around 10,000 people who went through town. Their peaceful march was disrupted by protestors who threw bottles and rocks. The next week, Betty put together another march. This time 30,000 people strong. They marched through town and ended up at the children's graves. Regardless of the turmoil and the fighting, the vision for peace was held. What started with one soon turned into a throng. 

Peter Benenson - a British lawyer.
In 1961, Benenson was shocked and angered by a newspaper report of two Portuguese students from Coimbra sentenced to seven years in prison for raising their glasses in a toast to freedom[7] during the autocratic regime of António de Oliveira Salazar - the Estado Novo. In 1961, Portugal was ruled by the authoritarian Estado Novo regime, and anti-regime conspiracies were vigorously repressed by the Portuguese state police and deemed anti-Portuguese. He wrote to David Astor, editor of The Observer. On 28 May, Benenson's article, entitled "The Forgotten Prisoners", was published. The letter asked readers to write letters showing support for the students. To co-ordinate such letter-writing campaigns, Amnesty International was founded in London in July 1961 at a meeting of Benenson and six other men.[8][9] The response was so overwhelming that within a year groups of letter-writers had formed in more than a dozen countries. - used from the Wikipedia page.

Nelson Mandela - many people don't realize that Mandela was a life long Methodist. Raised in the worn torn and segregated region of South Africa, he spent 27 years in prison as a protest to the infectious social disease known as "Apartheid". When he was finally set free in 1994 and free elections happened in South Africa for the first time, more than 19 million people voted. Mandala was elected president and set out to end the Apartheid regime.

And, now I look at twelve men in an upper room in a different light.
These twelve men who were scattered and running for their lives have come together.
Jesus told them to wait in the city until the Holy Spirit came. To stay in Jerusalem until they had tasted power from on high. Then, they would be his witnesses in all regions outside of Israel. But, not until each one of them found the resolve to focus on what Jesus was saying. Once they found that, then they came together. Then they were of like minds and hearts. Then they sought the Lord together and focused on what Jesus had taught them.

What if everyone cared?
We like to think about the whole world caring about the same thing and focused on the same issue, but that just is not true. When we speak of "everyone" it is often just the ones closest to you, gathered around you. It can turn in to a much larger movement, sometimes. But, very much so, it is those in closest relationship to us. It feels like Abraham's conversation with God in reverse. As they looked over Sodom and Gomorrah that day, Abraham asked for the region to be sparred. If God could only find 50 righteous men, maybe he would spare it? The countdown went through 40, then 30, then 20 and then 10. If only 5 could be found then maybe God would spare it?

In Sodom there was only found 1.
Very much so in our world, it is just that singular digit. One.
What if just one cared?
What if 5 cared? How many are gathered in worship with you today? 10?
What if 15 cared enough to come down to the altar and pray today?
You wouldn't be doing it by yourself. No one likes to do things like this alone.
Are there 20 who be willing to pray this morning?
How many came out in the aisle to hold hands while we prayed during the service?
Is there 30 here this morning? How about 40?

It starts with one.
Then people come together and find that God is willing to bless them in all they do.

Get ready for what comes next.

Sunday, May 10, 2015

What Did I Tell You?

Mother's Day 2015

Ephesians 6

New International Version (NIV)
Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise— “so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.”
The scriptures tell us to listen to our parents.
As children, we are reminded again and again to listen to our mothers.
We are told that what comes from our mother's mouth is the word of God. What she says goes.
"When Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy." And, that's usually true.

What did Mom tell us as we grew up? What came from her lips that we could hang on to?
What follows is a bit of truth. A bit of sarcasm. A bit of scripture. And, an appreciation for all that this special woman has to deal with as she tries so hard to be "mom". 

I got some help from Brook Hall, a mom and contributor over at the Scary Mommy Blog.
I embellished upon her list and added a bit of my own thinking. Brook created an exhaustive list of things mom say and then provided some interpretation about what those phrases actually mean.

1. “Don’t make me come over there.” I really don’t want to get up or stop what I am doing to come over there.
2. “Because I said so.” And I can’t think of another reason.
3. “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” I am hoping that you won’t come up with anything to say at all for at least 30 seconds.
- See more at: http://www.scarymommy.com/things-moms-say/#sthash.PREIi7uT.dpuf
“Don’t make me come over there.” 
 I really don’t want to get up or stop what I am doing to come over there.
Oh, and what would happen if she did come over there? Believe me, you don't want to find out.
You probably should stop what you're doing now before she takes those foreboding steps to where you are.

“Because I said so.” 
 Which really translates into...And I can’t think of another reason.
Didn't that phrase drive you crazy. The sheer absoluteness of it while being so vague.
There was no clear reason to stop doing what we were doing. Other than the fact that mom didn't like it. And, truly, sometimes that was reason enough to re-evaluate what we were doing.

“If you don’t have anything nice to say don’t say anything at all.” 
 Which truly means - I am hoping that you won’t come up with anything to say at all for at least 30 seconds. How many mothers have had that one child that just says the darndest things? Do you remember the Quaker Chewy commercials? It showcases kids saying those kind of things. Here, child, have a granola bar and give us some piece for a few minutes.

Here's our first scripture reference that I think fits with one of these sayings. Luke Chap 6 gives us another version of the some of that Sermon on the Mount material we popularly find in Matthew's gospel. Luke 6.31 says to us "Do to others as you would have them do to you." Our mothers maybe are the one person who shows us what it means to say the right thing at the right time and in the right tone. Even when she herself might not have the greatest attitude in the moment she knows enough to teach her children what is the right thing to say. 

"Stop this instant!"
The translation - If you stop now before I have to get up and come over there, we can forget this ever happened. How many a mom has stood at the bottom of the steps looking upstairs, not wanting to travel up all those steps, but being willing to take the trip if necessary. Trust me. You want to stop now.


"Don't make me turn this car around" 
What this means - I'm totally bluffing. If we turn around now, we will be going home without groceries, diapers and wine. We need to keep this car in route to it's destination, so please just fall for my bluff and we'll get through this safe and sound. Yes, there might be moment where Mom sounds as if she is bluffing. But the ultimate truth is this. You still have to come back home. And, Dad is still going to hear about what you did. 

"Don't forget to say please and thank you"
I'm really not sure what I'm going to do if you don't say these things,so please just say them. You will be polite. I will look like a good Mom. We all win. Ah, manners. What does the scriptures teach us about manners? Well, a quick search through Google showed me a page with more than 40 mentions throughout the scriptures with verses pertaining to manners. And, here's a real good one one our speech. Matthew 15.11 - "It is not what goes into the mouth that defiles a person, but what comes out of the mouth; this is what defiles a person." So, say those please and thank yous when they are necessary. Make yourself look good. And, your mama will be proud. 

"You are just fine"
Is there blood present? No? Ok, you're fine then. 


"I am the parent. You are the child."
Oh my, how many times have we had to make sure that the child in our house knows the natural order of things. Here comes the most real description of what it means to be in a relationship with God. This life causes us to take a moment to realize that God is truly in control. Not us. It might take a lifetime for us to finally come to that epiphany. And, then we have to help these little ones in our presence to learn this eternal truth as well. 

"Lets try to not eat of the floor"
Why is it that children seem to think that if it's food and they can pick it up, hey, it must go in the mouth. It doesn't matter where we found it. It doesn't matter how long it has been on the floor. In many cases it doesn't even matter if there is hair on it. 


"I would have never gotten away with that when I was your age."
Interpretation - I don't actually remember ever being your age, but it sounds legit anyway. 

"I'm going to count to three and then you better be in bed."
What it means is - I literally have no energy left. It's the end of the day and I just want all of us to go to bed. I'm going to count to three very slowly and hope that it works, because after that, I got nothin'. Actually, counting to three works very well, if your child understand one thing. That you mean it. That you actually will do something. That you will actually take action if your orders are not followed. My parents were never afraid to take something that meant a great deal to me. A boom box. A radio. A bicycle. Something they knew I really wanted. SO, count to three. And, then be prepared to be the parent you know you can be.

"Goodnight. Stay in bed!" 
How many times have we called up the stairs? Told so and so to stop heading to the bathroom, to stop getting a drink, to shut off the blasted light on the stairs and GO TO BED?! Yep, we've all been there. 

"I love you."
I love you more than you could know and I really hope I'm doing ok at this Mom thing.
“Stop that this instant!” If you stop now, before I have to get up and come over there, we can forget this ever happened. - See more at: http://www.scarymommy.com/things-moms-say/#sthash.PREIi7uT.dpuf
4. “Stop that this instant!” If you stop now, before I have to get up and come over there, we can forget this ever happened. 5. “Don’t make me turn this car around!” I am totally bluffing, if we turn around now we will be going home without any groceries, diapers or wine. We need to keep this car in route to it’s destination, so please just fall for my bluff and I’ll give you a cookie at the grocery store.
6. “Don’t forget to say please and thank you.” I’m not really sure what I’m going to do if you don’t say these things, so please just say them. You will look polite, I’ll look like a good Mom and we will all win.
7. “Eat your veggies and you’ll grow up to be big and strong!” I really don’t want to have to admit to your pediatrician that I can’t get you to eat healthy foods, but I also don’t want to have to lie, so please eat just a couple bites. I’m begging you. I’ll give you a cookie.
8. “You are just fine.” You are okay, right? Go run around and play, jump off the couch or refuse to eat your veggies, so I know that you are acting normal.
9. “Do you want a little cheese with that whine?” I wonder if I could teach you to go pour me a glass of wine?
10. “I am the parent and you are the kid.” I am aware that this is super condescending and that you already know who’s who around here, but I’m actually just giving myself a pep talk out loud, I’m not really even talking to you.
11. “Let’s try to not eat off the floor.” I don’t really care if you eat off of the floor, just don’t tell anyone that I let you.
12. “I would never have gotten away with that when I was your age.” I don’t actually remember ever being your age, but it sounds legit anyway.
- See more at: http://www.scarymommy.com/things-moms-say/#sthash.PREIi7uT.dpuf
4. “Stop that this instant!” If you stop now, before I have to get up and come over there, we can forget this ever happened. 5. “Don’t make me turn this car around!” I am totally bluffing, if we turn around now we will be going home without any groceries, diapers or wine. We need to keep this car in route to it’s destination, so please just fall for my bluff and I’ll give you a cookie at the grocery store.
6. “Don’t forget to say please and thank you.” I’m not really sure what I’m going to do if you don’t say these things, so please just say them. You will look polite, I’ll look like a good Mom and we will all win.
7. “Eat your veggies and you’ll grow up to be big and strong!” I really don’t want to have to admit to your pediatrician that I can’t get you to eat healthy foods, but I also don’t want to have to lie, so please eat just a couple bites. I’m begging you. I’ll give you a cookie.
8. “You are just fine.” You are okay, right? Go run around and play, jump off the couch or refuse to eat your veggies, so I know that you are acting normal.
9. “Do you want a little cheese with that whine?” I wonder if I could teach you to go pour me a glass of wine?
10. “I am the parent and you are the kid.” I am aware that this is super condescending and that you already know who’s who around here, but I’m actually just giving myself a pep talk out loud, I’m not really even talking to you.
11. “Let’s try to not eat off the floor.” I don’t really care if you eat off of the floor, just don’t tell anyone that I let you.
12. “I would never have gotten away with that when I was your age.” I don’t actually remember ever being your age, but it sounds legit anyway.
- See more at: http://www.scarymommy.com/things-moms-say/#sthash.PREIi7uT.dpuf
4. “Stop that this instant!” If you stop now, before I have to get up and come over there, we can forget this ever happened. 5. “Don’t make me turn this car around!” I am totally bluffing, if we turn around now we will be going home without any groceries, diapers or wine. We need to keep this car in route to it’s destination, so please just fall for my bluff and I’ll give you a cookie at the grocery store.
6. “Don’t forget to say please and thank you.” I’m not really sure what I’m going to do if you don’t say these things, so please just say them. You will look polite, I’ll look like a good Mom and we will all win.
7. “Eat your veggies and you’ll grow up to be big and strong!” I really don’t want to have to admit to your pediatrician that I can’t get you to eat healthy foods, but I also don’t want to have to lie, so please eat just a couple bites. I’m begging you. I’ll give you a cookie.
8. “You are just fine.” You are okay, right? Go run around and play, jump off the couch or refuse to eat your veggies, so I know that you are acting normal.
9. “Do you want a little cheese with that whine?” I wonder if I could teach you to go pour me a glass of wine?
10. “I am the parent and you are the kid.” I am aware that this is super condescending and that you already know who’s who around here, but I’m actually just giving myself a pep talk out loud, I’m not really even talking to you.
11. “Let’s try to not eat off the floor.” I don’t really care if you eat off of the floor, just don’t tell anyone that I let you.
12. “I would never have gotten away with that when I was your age.” I don’t actually remember ever being your age, but it sounds legit anyway.
- See more at: http://www.scarymommy.com/things-moms-say/#sthash.PREIi7uT.dpuf
4. “Stop that this instant!” If you stop now, before I have to get up and come over there, we can forget this ever happened. 5. “Don’t make me turn this car around!” I am totally bluffing, if we turn around now we will be going home without any groceries, diapers or wine. We need to keep this car in route to it’s destination, so please just fall for my bluff and I’ll give you a cookie at the grocery store.
6. “Don’t forget to say please and thank you.” I’m not really sure what I’m going to do if you don’t say these things, so please just say them. You will look polite, I’ll look like a good Mom and we will all win.
7. “Eat your veggies and you’ll grow up to be big and strong!” I really don’t want to have to admit to your pediatrician that I can’t get you to eat healthy foods, but I also don’t want to have to lie, so please eat just a couple bites. I’m begging you. I’ll give you a cookie.
8. “You are just fine.” You are okay, right? Go run around and play, jump off the couch or refuse to eat your veggies, so I know that you are acting normal.
9. “Do you want a little cheese with that whine?” I wonder if I could teach you to go pour me a glass of wine?
10. “I am the parent and you are the kid.” I am aware that this is super condescending and that you already know who’s who around here, but I’m actually just giving myself a pep talk out loud, I’m not really even talking to you.
11. “Let’s try to not eat off the floor.” I don’t really care if you eat off of the floor, just don’t tell anyone that I let you.
12. “I would never have gotten away with that when I was your age.” I don’t actually remember ever being your age, but it sounds legit anyway.
- See more at: http://www.scarymommy.com/things-moms-say/#sthash.PREIi7uT.dpuf
“Stop that this instant!” If you stop now, before I have to get up and come over there, we can forget this ever happened. - See more at: http://www.scarymommy.com/things-moms-say/#sthash.PREIi7uT.dpuf
“Stop that this instant!” If you stop now, before I have to get up and come over there, we can forget this ever happened. - See more at: http://www.scarymommy.com/things-moms-say/#sthash.PREIi7uT.dpuf
“Stop that this instant!” If you stop now, before I have to get up and come over there, we can forget this ever happened. - See more at: http://www.scarymommy.com/things-moms-say/#sthash.PREIi7uT.dpuf
“Stop that this instant!” If you stop now, before I have to get up and come over there, we can forget this ever happened. - See more at: http://www.scarymommy.com/things-moms-say/#sthash.PREIi7uT.dpuf
“Stop that this instant!” If you stop now, before I have to get up and come over there, we can forget this ever happened. - See more at: http://www.scarymommy.com/things-moms-say/#sthash.PREIi7uT.dpuf
“Stop that this instant!” If you stop now, before I have to get up and come over there, we can forget this ever happened. - See more at: http://www.scarymommy.com/things-moms-say/#sthash.PREIi7uT.dpuf
1. “Don’t make me come over there.” I really don’t want to get up or stop what I am doing to come over there.
2. “Because I said so.” And I can’t think of another reason.
3. “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” I am hoping that you won’t come up with anything to say at all for at least 30 seconds.
- See more at: http://www.scarymommy.com/things-moms-say/#sthash.PREIi7uT.dpuf
1. “Don’t make me come over there.” I really don’t want to get up or stop what I am doing to come over there.
2. “Because I said so.” And I can’t think of another reason.
3. “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” I am hoping that you won’t come up with anything to say at all for at least 30 seconds.
- See more at: http://www.scarymommy.com/things-moms-say/#sthash.PREIi7uT.dpuf
1. “Don’t make me come over there.” I really don’t want to get up or stop what I am doing to come over there.
2. “Because I said so.” And I can’t think of another reason.
3. “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” I am hoping that you won’t come up with anything to say at all for at least 30 seconds.
- See more at: http://www.scarymommy.com/things-moms-say/#sthash.PREIi7uT.dpuf
1. “Don’t make me come over there.” I really don’t want to get up or stop what I am doing to come over there.
2. “Because I said so.” And I can’t think of another reason.
3. “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” I am hoping that you won’t come up with anything to say at all for at least 30 seconds.
- See more at: http://www.scarymommy.com/things-moms-say/#sthash.PREIi7uT.dpuf
1. “Don’t make me come over there.” I really don’t want to get up or stop what I am doing to come over there.
2. “Because I said so.” And I can’t think of another reason.
3. “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” I am hoping that you won’t come up with anything to say at all for at least 30 seconds.
- See more at: http://www.scarymommy.com/things-moms-say/#sthash.PREIi7uT.dpuf
1. “Don’t make me come over there.” I really don’t want to get up or stop what I am doing to come over there.
2. “Because I said so.” And I can’t think of another reason.
3. “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” I am hoping that you won’t come up with anything to say at all for at least 30 seconds.
- See more at: http://www.scarymommy.com/things-moms-say/#sthash.PREIi7uT.dpuf
1. “Don’t make me come over there.” I really don’t want to get up or stop what I am doing to come over there.
2. “Because I said so.” And I can’t think of another reason.
3. “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” I am hoping that you won’t come up with anything to say at all for at least 30 seconds.
- See more at: http://www.scarymommy.com/things-moms-say/#sthash.PREIi7uT.dpu